The Perpetually Un-Crafty

If I tell you a secret, do you promise you’ll still  like me anyway?  Ok, here goes.  Deep breath…I am not crafty.  Ok, so that's not really a big deal.  Lots of people aren't crafty.  But here's the kicker.  Even though I kind of act like I want to be, I don’t actually think I do.  Or at least not enough to really put the effort in.  There it is.  Out in the open.  I’m the one mom of a toddler out there who, in her heart of hearts, just really doesn’t care much for art projects on weekends or turning bottles into anything other than noisemakers at the bottom of the trash can.  I don't even love to finger paint with my 2 year old.  Nope.

I’m a bit envious of the women out there that are making card stock banners for birthday parties and cupcakes that look like their children’s favorite characters.  And don’t even get me started on all of you that can sew!  You women amaze me.  Homemade blankets, clothes for dolls, burp clothes and countless other things that make up a  wanna-be DIYer’s daydreams.  But it’s just not me. Or at least, I’m not willing to put the time in to make it me.

I made a cardstock banner once.  For my sister’s Bridal Shower.  I sat down the night before (because that’s when all us non-crafters sit down to do things like this) and pulled out all the decorative paper I had and started trying to choose the colors and patterns that would go together.  About 15 minutes into that task, the fun started to fade.  And I hadn’t even begun to cut, write the letters or stamp the frilly designs on anything.

Next I had to start cutting the paper to make the stackable sheets.  I swear I measured right.  I know for a fact I was counting those little lines like I was supposed to.  But dang it if that stupid paper came out in different sizes! It was at this point that I started muttering, “I hate this crap” under my breath.  Or right out loud.  Whatever.    

About an hour into a project that would take a regular person 30 minutes, there were so many scraps on the floor that it looked like  NYC just after the ball drops on New Years.  I think I had thrown that piece-of-junk cutter at least three times while yelling, “see!  This is why I don’t do this kind of stuff!  This is why other people do this crap!”  And I can tell you that I did not use the words “stuff” or “crap.”  But, you know, I’m keeping it PG for you.  Eventually, about two letters in to a five letter word, I looked at my husband (who had been sitting on the couch not hiding his laughter well) and said, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” 

But I did.  And the end result was good.  So good, in fact, that when I told me sister I made it her response was, “You made this?!”  See, she knows.  THIS is not my deal.  I do not make things. I took her shock as the highest form of flattery.   And if she ever throws that thing away I just might cry. 

I blame this want of craftiness on Pinterest.  It’s hard not to get caught up in all the awesomeness that it throws at me daily.  Pin upon pin of party, holiday, home décor and kid’s project ideas that make me wish I had a house complete with a craft nook (I made myself, of course) for all the crafting I will do.  But really, all it would have is a computer on it and maybe a file with a nice printed label that says “future projects.”    It may or may not be empty.  Computer ink it pricey, after all.

There are moms out there that are great at all of this.  Which is a giant feat in itself because just being a woman is an existence with many hats.  When you throw in the fact that many of us are moms, the number of hats goes up.  So, can you please tell me how these ladies have the time (or desire) to do all they do?

I mean, just check out their kids’ birthday parties.  They are not the birthday parties of our youths.  These things take some serious planning, prep-work and diligent crafting.  Most of them have party favors now.  And we’re not talking your run-of-the-mill goody bag.  These moms are going all out and making adorable treats and gifts for the pint-size party hopper.  They are coming up with awesome themes and they are carrying them out from the moment you step in until the second you leave.  Their cakes look like works of art and you probably feel like you’ve walked into a living, breathing version of Pinterest. 

For the record, Jack’s cake came from Walmart and we put a big, plastic picture of Mickey on the front door.  He was happy with it.  So was I, seeing as I didn’t have to make a banner.  But I didn’t do it that way to prove a point or take a stand.  I did it that way because the night before people were supposed to come I said, “Oh man, I better get something to make it look like we’re having a party!”  See, I don’t have the gene.  I know I pinned things for a party.  But that’s as far as it went.  Sometimes it’s not just the thought that counts.  You have to actually do something with those thoughts.  Or else they’re just nice ideas.  And they don’t really count for squat.     

Ultimately, I’m just really thankful that my child is in a really good school that does fun stuff with him all the time and helps him learn.  And I’m thankful for crafty friends and a sister than can make anything.  Until I find my crafty gene (if I ever decide to really look for it) I think I will just keep sending my pins to them.    

And to all you crafty moms that walk through life, craft flag flying high; a tip of my hat to you.  All my hats.  Rock on, with your crafty-selves!  (Now, can you make something for me?  I’ve got a set of three Frappuccino bottles that I’ve been saving since last fall that still need to be painted for a Christmas craft. Takers?)