You heard that right. I have had those times in my life where I've wondered if what I'm believing, the life that I'm living, the faith that I'm choosing, is the right one.
That's bad, right?
I'm not supposed to say that, am I?
But it's the truth. And I am pretty sure I'm not alone.
The thing is you can know that something is real and still doubt it at the same time. Doubt creeps in when you least expect it. It hits you when you're weak. When you don't even realize it's coming on. There it is. Whispering that maybe, just maybe, you're wrong.
And yet, I can still know, really know, that the God I believe in is as real as you and me.
I doubt the way I believe all the time and the way that I'm carrying out my beliefs. Am I living the way that God wants me to? When people look at me, do they see what a Christian should be?
Mostly, I doubt it.
I try. Just like I always try to push through any doubts that come my way about my faith itself. Believing--choosing to believe--is a constant choice. You choose to live the way that God asks you to. You choose to follow Him. You choose to be in a relationship with Him. These are choices that he leaves up to you. There is no force--though He could use it. There is simply your choice.
Doubt is not a choice. It just happens to you. Like fear, sadness or getting angry at someone; it's a feeling. What matters is what you do with the feeling you've been dealt. Do you let it take over and lead you away from the life you've chosen with the God that loves you? Or do you fight it? Push through it and climb over it and use it as a part of your story to build the relationship that your God longs so badly to have with you.
You can call me a bad Christian. You can wonder why I'm willing to tell you that I have my moments where my faith is shaky and my foundation is not so solid. But I know that I can say anything, because there is nothing that surprises God. He knows me. Better than anyone else ever will actually. He already knows my faults, my shortcomings and my sins. He knows every doubt I have ever had or will ever had.
And he loves me fiercely anyway.
Wants me anyway.
Chooses me anyway.
In spite of my doubts. Because there is no doubt bigger than His love for me. Or mine for Him.
And there is no doubt about that.
And yet, I can still know, really know, that the God I believe in is as real as you and me.
I doubt the way I believe all the time and the way that I'm carrying out my beliefs. Am I living the way that God wants me to? When people look at me, do they see what a Christian should be?
Mostly, I doubt it.
I try. Just like I always try to push through any doubts that come my way about my faith itself. Believing--choosing to believe--is a constant choice. You choose to live the way that God asks you to. You choose to follow Him. You choose to be in a relationship with Him. These are choices that he leaves up to you. There is no force--though He could use it. There is simply your choice.
You can call me a bad Christian. You can wonder why I'm willing to tell you that I have my moments where my faith is shaky and my foundation is not so solid. But I know that I can say anything, because there is nothing that surprises God. He knows me. Better than anyone else ever will actually. He already knows my faults, my shortcomings and my sins. He knows every doubt I have ever had or will ever had. And he loves me fiercely anyway.
Wants me anyway.
Chooses me anyway.
In spite of my doubts. Because there is no doubt bigger than His love for me. Or mine for Him.
And there is no doubt about that.
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